The worst thing you can do is hurt the person you care about the most and not knowing how to say things correctly without sounding like a total ass. However, some people deserve that blunt response and me being the type of person who is always fucking blunt it made things so much worse. I hate myself and I really want to fix it but how am I going to fix anything at this point? His friends hate me and he doesn’t want to talk to me. I enjoyed his company and the type of attention I got while he wasn’t busy. (I am so fucking needy, I need help) I just really wanted him to reassure me on how he felt, I know how annoying that gets. But if you have been in my situation of having multiple occasions where people either ghost me, have a toll in their feelings being changed, or they literally lied to me because they did not want to hurt my feelings. I hate how screwed up my mind works, I really wanted him to ubderstand that but how? HOW?! IF ANYTHING I SAY COMES OFF LIKE A BITCH! I overthink everything btw my paranoia is so bad when it comes to people I love most. I worry about making then upset, and them pushing me away (it’s happened before and I tried so hard to take the person back. I absolutely hate begging btw.). My fight or flight reaction varies between who the person may be. I really hope they see this message and it’ll help them understand. I seem to say things better later on rather than in the moment as well or when I actually think things thoroughly before doing them but I’m so fucking reactive that once I feel a certain way I will fucking dip without letting it linger a bit till I know for sure this is what I wanted. I know something could have worked if we just took things A LOT slower than we were and I would totally be fine. I need to know that they aren’t going to hold me back from the things I want to try and do.
